Question
1. Recognize the irrational behavior: Understanding that you're dealing with an irrational person is the first step. This helps in setting realistic expectations and prevents unnecessary frustration.
2. Don't argue with irrationality: Trying to reason with an irrational person often backfires. Instead, empathize with their feelings and validate their emotions.
3. Use assertive communication: Like Brian in the book, apologize if necessary, express your concerns clearly, and ask for help or cooperation. This can help in defusing tension and promoting understanding.
4. Leverage their strengths: Recognize and value the strengths and experiences of difficult colleagues. This can help in building a positive relationship and turning them into allies.
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Brian, a senior software developer who had developed many flagship products, had difficulty dealing with many younger colleagues. He saw them as kids, and they felt he was outdated. This led to angry, emotionally volatile conflicts in meetings. On Goulston's suggestion, Brian made an assertive submission. He apologized for acting like a bully, put forward the concerns that mattered to him and asked the other members to help him out. Instantly, the tension in the room defused, and his colleagues came up with compromises. Eventually, his colleagues began to value Brian's vast experience, and some even looked up to him as a mentor.
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