Calibrated questions, as explained in 'Never Split the Difference', are a negotiation technique used to remove aggression from the conversation and give the illusion of control to the other party. These questions typically start with 'how' or 'what', implicitly asking your counterpart for help and eliciting important information. For instance, instead of directly opposing your counterpart's decision to leave, you could ask, 'What do you hope to achieve by leaving?' This approach acknowledges their perspective and encourages them to share more about their intentions.

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Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss

Do you dread negotiations for fear of the conflict involved? The fact is that every aspect of our lives involves some form of negotiation. Expert FBI...

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Open-ended or calibrated questions remove aggression from the conversation by acknowledging the other side. A calibrated question starts with the words "how..." or "what..." By implicitly asking your counterpart for help, you give them the illusion of control while eliciting important information. For example, if your counterpart is getting ready to leave, instead of saying, "You can't leave" ask, "What do you hope to achieve by leaving?"

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Calibrated questions, as suggested in 'Never Split the Difference', can have significant implications in conflict resolution. They can help to de-escalate a situation by removing aggression from the conversation and giving the other party the illusion of control. This can lead to more productive discussions and better outcomes. For example, asking 'What do you hope to achieve by leaving?' instead of saying 'You can't leave' can lead to a more constructive conversation. It also encourages the other party to share important information, which can be crucial in resolving the conflict.

The key takeaways from Chris Voss's book 'Never Split the Difference' for effective negotiation are:

1. Use open-ended or calibrated questions to remove aggression from the conversation and give your counterpart the illusion of control while eliciting important information.

2. Understand that every aspect of our lives involves some form of negotiation.

3. The best way to ask for what you think is right is by using effective negotiation techniques.

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