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Synopsis

Do you often deal with bullies, manipulators, know-it-alls and other types of "crazy" in your professional life? If you reason with irrational people, it often backfires. There are, however, other ways to get across.

In Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life, Dr. Mark Goulston, a seasoned psychiatrist who coaches Fortune 500 CEOs and managers in conflict resolution, gives proven techniques to handle difficult colleagues, remain calm under any circumstances and always get your work done.

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Top 20 insights

  1. It can be counterproductive to avoid difficult conversations with irrational people. Research by VitalSmarts shows that employees waste roughly $1500 and one eight hour workday every time they avoid a crucial conversation. Further, it merely reinforces irrational behavior.
  2. Most people try to reason with irrational people in the hope that they will snap out of it. This doesn't work. Irrational thoughts and behavior stem from a misalignment of the brain that makes people unable to respond to facts or logic.
  3. When someone acts difficult, use the "Sanity Cycle" to prevent your descent into a flight-or-fright mode. Recognize that the person can't reason, then identify their Modus Operandi and realize their behavior isn't about you. Listen calmly and mirror their emotions. Then gently guide them toward more positive thoughts.
  4. Humans have three brains: the lower reptilian brain responsible for instinctual responses, the paleomammalian brain responsible for emotions and the neomammalian brain that supports logical thoughts and makes decisions. In healthy adults, the three brains work in sync, and the neomammalian brain dominates.
  5. "Triunal Agility" is the ability to realign the three brains to respond to circumstances dynamically. It makes a person adaptive and resilient. In contrast, "Triunal Rigidity" makes a person unable to respond to changed circumstances. It causes their brains to become misaligned and results in chronic irrational behavior.
  6. Irrational people are afraid to lose control. That's why they resort to the Modus Operandi of constant complaints, verbal attacks, sarcasm or meltdowns as weapons to trigger a fight-or-flight response. To be prepared, determine an irrational person's particular Modus Operandi prior to the conversation.
  7. Before you engage, ask yourself if this is worth it. Evaluate the relationship to see if you have done more than your fair share of emotional support and help. Remember, "you cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people you choose to be around."
  8. If you decide to walk away from an irrational person, follow this three-step method to avoid messiness. First, convince yourself that it isn't your responsibility to manage their problems. Second, don't say anything that can be used against you. Finally, close all opportunities for re-engagement.
  9. A simple way to identify people with personality disorders in interviews is to ask them what has frustrated, upset or disappointed them most in life. If they don't take responsibility and only blame others or circumstances, it might be best to avoid the hire.
  10. It's important to come to terms with your own foibles before the confrontation with an irrational person. Write down critical events in your life, identity how you felt and the beliefs you formed about yourself and others. Examine if these beliefs limit your responses today and see if different beliefs would serve you better in the future.
  11. When you confront an irrational person, they will escalate and attack. This can make your reptilian brain take control which leads to stress and irrational behavior. The irrational person will win because irrational people are comfortable with their reptile brain in charge. Instead, remind yourself that this is an opportunity for poise until the logical brain regains control.
  12. An irrational person feels cornered and acts out more when you try to dominate the conversation. Put the irrational person in charge and ask them to come up with a solution to your problem. This instantly shifts your status in their eyes from a potential threat to a "pack member" they must take care of.
  13. "Time Travel" is an effective technique to stop repeated irrational workplace behavior. Peacefully discuss how they would like this interaction to proceed the next time, list your expectations and agree. Next time, remind them of the agreement and follow through.
  14. Most normal people who experience an irrational episode have a part of them that is still "sane." Listen as they vent, ask what you can do to help and gently guide them back to normalcy.
  15. "Splitters" try to create discord between two people because they can't handle rejection. If a "splitter" tries to manipulate your opinion of a colleague, calmly express your doubt to agitate the manipulator. Then, arrange a meeting for the parties involved to clear things up. When the "splitter" surrenders, be empathetic and help them deal with the rejection.
  16. If a colleague suffers from irrational fear, don't dismiss it. Recognize that to this person, the fear is genuine. Jointly analyze various possible scenarios to help the colleague's logical brains regain control and make it clear that things are not so bad after all.
  17. If you have to handle a colleague who behaves like a know-it-all, compliment them on things they are genuinely good at. This will confuse and disarm them. Leverage this to make your point.
  18. Colleagues who fear rejection will refuse to reach out and act as if they have things under control. These "martyrs" harm the team because they don't ask for help until it's too late. A simple way to handle them is to recognize their efforts and gently order them to ask for help when needed.
  19. Manipulators try to make you solve their problems through constant complaints. No matter how many times you help, they will always come back with another problem. Listen patiently, but clearly state that you can't help. Don't talk to them until they reach out to apologize.
  20. Use the "Seventy Two Hour Rule" if you suffer a meltdown after a bad conversation with an irrational person. Promise yourself that you will take no action that may make the situation worse for the next three days. When you have regained calm, try again.
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Questions and answers
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The concept of the three brains, as explained in the book "Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life", refers to the three distinct parts of the human brain that are responsible for different types of responses. The lower reptilian brain is responsible for instinctual responses such as fight or flight. The paleomammalian brain, also known as the limbic system, is responsible for emotions and feelings. The neomammalian brain, also known as the neocortex, is responsible for rational thinking, problem-solving, and decision-making. Understanding these three brains can help in dealing with irrational and difficult people as it provides insight into why they may be acting in a certain way.

Irrational thoughts and behavior can stem from a misalignment in the brain that makes people unable to respond to facts or logic. This misalignment can disrupt the normal functioning of the brain, leading to irrational responses. The human brain is composed of three parts: the lower reptilian brain responsible for instinctual responses, the paleomammalian brain responsible for emotions, and the neomammalian brain responsible for logical thinking. If there's a misalignment or imbalance among these parts, it can lead to irrational thoughts and behavior.

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Summary

We all know at least one irrational person and many would give anything to avoid certain colleagues because they drive us up the wall. Regardless of how hard we try to reason with them, we fail and feel helpless. Goulston, however, gives us hope as he shares valuable advice for situations when the most unresponsive group–the flat-out irrational folk–needs to be addressed. The key takeaway from this book is that in order to handle irrational people, one must "lean into their crazy" and feel compassion.

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A small business can use the key topics or framework covered in "Talking to Crazy" to grow by applying the strategies to deal with irrational and difficult people. This can be particularly useful in managing relationships with clients, suppliers, or even employees who may exhibit irrational behavior. By "leaning into their crazy" and showing compassion, businesses can maintain positive relationships, prevent conflicts, and ensure smooth operations. This can lead to improved customer satisfaction, employee morale, and overall business growth.

The lessons from "Talking to Crazy" can be applied in today's business environment by understanding and empathizing with irrational people instead of trying to reason with them. This approach can help in dealing with difficult colleagues or clients. The key is to "lean into their crazy" and show compassion, which can help in diffusing tense situations and fostering better relationships.

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The sanity cycle

The way to handle crazy people is to lean in and meet them in their reality. This isn't easy because our brains instinctively move into a flight, fight or freeze mode. None of these responses help if the person is a part of your professional life. The "Sanity Cycle" helps to overcome this instinct and lean in.

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Questions and answers
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Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life" has influenced corporate strategies and business models by providing insights on how to effectively deal with irrational and difficult people in a professional setting. The book's concept of the "Sanity Cycle" has been particularly influential, as it offers a method to overcome instinctive responses and engage constructively with challenging individuals. This has led to improved communication, conflict resolution, and overall productivity in many organizations.

The ideas in "Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life" have significant potential for real-world implementation. The book provides strategies for dealing with irrational and difficult people in professional settings, which is a common challenge in the workplace. The "Sanity Cycle" concept, for instance, can be applied when interacting with difficult colleagues or clients. It encourages understanding and empathizing with their perspective instead of resorting to instinctive responses like fight, flight, or freeze. However, the effectiveness of these strategies may vary depending on the specific situation and individuals involved.

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  • Step 1: Recognize that the other person can't think rationally and can't be reasoned with. Their behavior has roots in the past rather than the present moment.
  • Step 2: Identify the person's Modus Operandi, the specific strategy they use to make you feel guilty, ashamed, afraid or frustrated. This makes you calmer, centered and more in control.
  • Step 3: Realize that crazy behavior isn't about you but is about the other person. Use mental techniques to retain balance.
  • Step 4: Lean in and empathize by imagining yourself undergoing the person's emotions of feeling attacked, misunderstood or defensive.
  • Step 5: Make yourself an ally and not a threat by calmly listening to the person. Allow them to vent and take their side. Listen kindly and mirror the person to make the other person mirror you.
  • Step 6: Guide the person to saner ways of thinking.
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Questions and answers
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The book 'Talking to Crazy' presents several innovative ideas. One of the most surprising is the concept of leaning in and empathizing with the irrational person. Instead of trying to reason with them, the book suggests imagining yourself undergoing their emotions of feeling attacked, misunderstood, or defensive. Another innovative idea is to make yourself an ally, not a threat, by calmly listening to the person and allowing them to vent. The book also suggests guiding the person towards saner ways of thinking, which is a unique approach to dealing with irrational behavior.

Potential obstacles companies might face when applying the concepts from "Talking to Crazy" could include resistance from employees who are not comfortable with change, lack of understanding of the concepts, or difficulty in implementing the strategies due to ingrained habits or company culture. To overcome these obstacles, companies could provide comprehensive training and support to employees, ensure clear communication of the concepts and their benefits, and foster a culture of empathy and understanding. It's also important to lead by example and demonstrate these strategies at all levels of the organization.

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The science behind craziness

Irrationality isn't something you can talk people out of as it does not respond to facts or logic. It's not that people refuse to change. The truth is they can't change. Crazy behavior emerges from a misalignment of the brain that makes it unable to respond to reason.

The Three Brains

The human mind uses three interconnected brains to function. While they usually work together, under stress, they disconnect from each other and realign in ways that make people irrational. The three brains and their functions are:

  • The Reptilian Lower Brain is the innermost primitive lower brain that focuses on survival issues. These include food, sleep, sex, fight-or-flight response.
  • The Paleomammalian Middle Brain processes emotions like joy, hate, sadness and pleasure. It is responsible for emotional bonds with parents, partners or children.
  • The Neomammalian Upper Brain is the outer part that is highly evolved and allows you to look at a situation objectively, make smart decisions, plan ahead and control impulses.
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'Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life' challenges existing paradigms in conflict resolution by suggesting that reasoning with irrational people often backfires. Instead, the book proposes understanding and addressing the emotional needs of such individuals, which are often driven by their primitive lower brain focused on survival issues, or their emotional middle brain. This approach deviates from traditional conflict resolution methods that typically emphasize rational dialogue and negotiation.

Understanding the three parts of the brain can help in making smart decisions and controlling impulses. The Reptilian Lower Brain is responsible for survival instincts, so being aware of this can help control impulsive reactions related to these instincts. The Paleomammalian Middle Brain processes emotions, so understanding this can help manage emotional responses. The Neomammalian Upper Brain is responsible for objective thinking and planning, so utilizing this part of the brain can aid in making smart, rational decisions.

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When well aligned, the three brains synchronize instincts, emotions and logical thought processes with the neomammalian brain usually in charge most of the time. "Triunal Agility" is the ability to effectively change one's approach by dynamically realigning the three brains as required. This makes the person adaptive and resilient to dynamic shifts in circumstances.

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Triunal Agility refers to the ability to dynamically realign one's instincts, emotions, and logical thought processes, which are governed by the three brains. This ability allows a person to adapt and remain resilient to changing circumstances. In the context of remaining calm under any circumstances, Triunal Agility can be highly beneficial. It allows one to adjust their emotional responses and maintain a logical thought process, thereby helping to maintain calmness. The broader implications of this could be improved decision-making, better stress management, and enhanced interpersonal relationships.

The concept of "Triunal Agility" is highly relevant in dealing with issues such as workplace bullying and manipulation. It refers to the ability to dynamically realign one's instincts, emotions, and logical thought processes, making a person adaptive and resilient to shifts in circumstances. In the context of workplace bullying and manipulation, this agility can help individuals to effectively respond to and manage these challenging situations. They can adapt their responses based on the situation, whether it requires a more emotional, instinctual, or logical approach.

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In contrast, difficult early childhood experiences can make people's brains get locked in "Triunal Rigidity." The more their brains misalign with reality, the more they feel desperate and double-down on their irrationality. The only way to engage with them is to enter their world and make a case.

Identify modus operandi

Irrational people are afraid to lose control. To prevent this, they resort to different Modus Operandi like attacking wildly, crying, withdrawing, being sarcastic or whining to force you to either meltdown or escape. Identifying Modus Operandi gives considerable power over the other person and makes you confident to lean in. Therefore, it's essential to do this before talking to a "crazy" person.

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The themes of "Talking to Crazy" are highly relevant to contemporary issues in professional life. In today's diverse and dynamic work environment, one often encounters individuals with different personalities and behaviors, some of which may seem irrational or difficult to handle. The book provides strategies to effectively deal with such individuals, which is a common challenge in the modern workplace. It emphasizes on understanding the other person's perspective and using empathetic communication to manage conflicts, which are crucial skills in today's professional life.

A startup can use the techniques from "Talking to Crazy" to manage conflicts by identifying the Modus Operandi of irrational people. This could include behaviors such as attacking wildly, crying, withdrawing, being sarcastic or whining. By understanding these behaviors, the startup can gain considerable power over the situation and feel confident to lean in. This approach can prevent the irrational person from causing a meltdown or forcing others to escape, thus managing conflicts effectively.

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When to talk and when to walk away

Before a conversation, it's important to ask if there is a good reason to engage. Sometimes, it may be better to avoid talking to an irrational person than to waste time trying to get through. If you decide to walk away, the DNR method helps. The three steps are:

  • Don't React – Don't make their problem your responsibility. Convince yourself that it's their problem and their responsibility to manage it.
  • Don't Respond – Don't say anything that the other person could use to make it your fault or responsibility.
  • Don't Resuscitate – Don't give opportunities for the person to re-engage.
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The most innovative ideas presented in 'Talking to Crazy' include the concept of not reacting, responding, or resuscitating when dealing with irrational people. This means not making their problem your responsibility, not saying anything that the other person could use to make it your fault or responsibility, and not giving opportunities for the person to re-engage. These strategies are surprising as they go against the common approach of trying to reason with irrational people, which often backfires.

The lessons from "Talking to Crazy" can be applied in today's business environment by learning how to deal with irrational and difficult people. This includes not reacting to their behavior, not responding in a way that makes their problem your responsibility, and not giving them opportunities to re-engage in negative behavior. These strategies can help maintain a positive and productive work environment.

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Stay clear of personality disorders

While run-of-the-mill irrationality can be handled using the techniques outlined in this book, it's essential to stay clear of people with severe personality disorders. Here's a simple way to identify if a person has a personality disorder in a job interview:

  • Ask them what has frustrated, upset or disappointed them in the recent past.
  • Notice where they place the blame for their problems. If there is a clear pattern of blaming others instead of taking responsibility, the candidate may not be a person you wish to hire.

Handle your own crazy

Everyone has their pet irrationalities that arise from their childhood that influence how they engage with people. To manage these irrationalities, write down key events in your life from childhood. For each of them, identify your feelings about the incident, who you looked to for support and the beliefs you formed about yourself and others. Examine if these beliefs limit how you live today and prime your responses. Examine if a new response or a different belief would serve you better in the future. To change the way you perceive the world, identify the negative qualities in people that bother you most and act as if they exhibited the opposite positive qualities. For example, if you tend to think that most people are unreliable, think of them as reliable. As a result, those you misperceived will respond to this new behavior with gratitude and warmth.

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Questions and answers
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Changing your perception about people can be challenging due to ingrained beliefs and biases formed over time. These can be influenced by past experiences, upbringing, and societal norms. Overcoming these challenges involves self-awareness and conscious effort. Firstly, identify the negative qualities in people that bother you most. Then, try to act as if they exhibited the opposite positive qualities. For example, if you tend to think that most people are unreliable, think of them as reliable. This change in perception can lead to a change in behavior, which can in turn influence the behavior of others towards you. It's important to note that this process requires patience and consistency.

The teachings from "Talking to Crazy" can be applied in a professional environment in several ways. Firstly, understanding that everyone has their own irrationalities that stem from their past can help in dealing with difficult colleagues or clients. By identifying these irrationalities, one can better manage interactions and responses. Secondly, the book suggests changing our perception of others. If we perceive someone as unreliable, for example, we should try to see them as reliable. This change in perception can lead to a more positive interaction, as people often respond positively to being seen in a good light. Lastly, the book encourages self-reflection and understanding of our own beliefs and how they affect our interactions. By examining and possibly changing these beliefs, we can improve our professional relationships.

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Don't fight back

Usually, when a crazy person is confronted, they go on the offensive and stress you out. If this happens, the irrational person will always win, and you will lose. Use these three methods to stay sane when crazy attacks you.

Reframe Attack as an Opportunity

When an irrational person attacks, pause and remind yourself that this is an opportunity for poise until the upper brain regains control.

Picture your Mentors

When things escalate, take a deep breath and remember your mentors who you look up to. Feel grateful and think about what they would ask you to do. Gratitude defuses anger, and even when the brain can't think logically, it can at least recall sane advice from mentors.

The Eight Step Pause

  1. Physical Awareness – Identify the physical sensations you are experiencing like tension in your head.
  2. Emotional Awareness – Attach emotions to each physical sensation like anger.
  3. Impulse Awareness – Verbalize what the feeling makes you want to do.
  4. Consequence Awareness – Remind yourself of the consequences of following the impulse.
  5. Insight Awareness – Understand what makes you take this confrontation personally.
  6. Solution Awareness – Come up with a better solution than the impulsive one.
  7. Benefit Awareness – Remind yourself of the various benefits of your new solution.
  8. Let's Go – Commit to the action.
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The lessons from "Talking to Crazy" can be applied in today's business environment in several ways. Firstly, it's important to identify the physical sensations you are experiencing, such as tension, when dealing with irrational people. Secondly, attach emotions to each physical sensation, like anger. Thirdly, verbalize what the feeling makes you want to do. Fourthly, remind yourself of the consequences of following the impulse. Fifthly, understand what makes you take this confrontation personally. Sixthly, come up with a better solution than the impulsive one. Lastly, remind yourself of the various benefits of your new solution and commit to the action. This approach can help in dealing with irrational and impossible people in a business environment.

The themes in "Talking to Crazy" are highly relevant to contemporary issues and debates in professional life. The book provides insights on dealing with irrational and difficult people in the workplace, a common challenge in today's diverse and dynamic professional environments. It offers strategies for understanding and managing such individuals, which can lead to improved communication, conflict resolution, and overall productivity. The book's focus on emotional intelligence, impulse control, and self-awareness are particularly pertinent given the increasing emphasis on these skills in modern workplaces.

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Tactics to talk to crazy

1. Assertive Submission

Trying to dominate a situation brings out the worst in irrational people as they feel cornered. Instead, admit weakness and put the irrational person in charge by asking them to help you out. Suddenly, you are not a threat but a member of their "pack" whom they have a responsibility to protect as a pack leader.

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The potential for these conflict resolution ideas to be implemented in real-world scenarios is high. The strategies suggested, such as admitting weakness and asking for help, can be applied in various situations, including professional settings. These methods can help in dealing with irrational people by making them feel in charge and reducing their defensive behavior. However, the effectiveness of these strategies may vary depending on the individual and the specific context.

The techniques mentioned can be applied in a traditional business setting like retail or manufacturing by using them to manage irrational behavior in the workplace. For instance, if an employee is acting irrationally, instead of trying to dominate the situation, one could admit weakness and ask them for help. This could make the irrational person feel in charge and less threatened, potentially diffusing the situation and fostering a more cooperative environment.

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Be a Mentor, Not a Bully

Brian, a senior software developer who had developed many flagship products, had difficulty dealing with many younger colleagues. He saw them as kids, and they felt he was outdated. This led to angry, emotionally volatile conflicts in meetings. On Goulston's suggestion, Brian made an assertive submission. He apologized for acting like a bully, put forward the concerns that mattered to him and asked the other members to help him out. Instantly, the tension in the room defused, and his colleagues came up with compromises. Eventually, his colleagues began to value Brian's vast experience, and some even looked up to him as a mentor.

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Startups can use conflict resolution techniques from the book to maintain a healthy work environment by encouraging open communication and assertiveness. If conflicts arise, individuals should be encouraged to express their concerns and ask for help, as Brian did in the book. This can help to defuse tension and lead to compromises. Additionally, acknowledging one's own shortcomings, like Brian apologizing for acting like a bully, can also help to resolve conflicts. This approach can lead to a more respectful and collaborative work environment, where everyone's experience and skills are valued.

The approaches discussed in the book can help in conflict resolution in a professional setting by teaching individuals how to effectively communicate with irrational or difficult people. For instance, in the case of Brian, a senior software developer, he was able to defuse tension and resolve conflicts with his younger colleagues by making an assertive submission. He apologized for his behavior, expressed his concerns, and asked for their help. This approach not only resolved the immediate conflict, but also improved his relationships with his colleagues in the long run. It's important to note that these strategies may not work in every situation, but they provide a good starting point for dealing with conflicts in a professional setting.

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2. Time Travel

This is one of the best strategies to handle challenging or abusive colleagues or clients. If you see someone playing out a repeated irrational pattern, shift focus from being obsessed about the past to creating a shared future that works for both of you. Ask the person what they specifically expect you to do better the next time. Make a note, add your conditions and come to a mutual agreement on what seems reasonable. The next time a similar situation arises, remind them of the specific suggestions that both of you agreed to and go by that script.

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The book "Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life" has significantly influenced corporate strategies for dealing with challenging employees or clients. It provides practical strategies for handling difficult individuals, such as shifting focus from past issues to creating a shared future, asking for specific expectations for improvement, and coming to a mutual agreement on what seems reasonable. These strategies have been adopted by many corporations to manage challenging interactions and foster a more harmonious working environment.

The concept of shifting focus from past to future can be used to improve conflict resolution in a startup by encouraging individuals to move away from past issues and focus on creating a shared future. This can be done by asking the individual what they specifically expect you to do better next time when a conflict arises. Make a note of their expectations, add your conditions, and come to a mutual agreement on what seems reasonable. The next time a similar situation arises, remind them of the specific suggestions that both of you agreed to and go by that script. This approach helps to prevent the repetition of past mistakes and promotes a forward-thinking mindset.

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How to Manage Abusive Clients

Gordon and his team, who handled IT support for litigation attorneys, repeatedly found themselves verbally abused whenever minor issues arose. The lawyers were venting their work stress on the team. In a client meeting, Gordon used a variant of "Time Travel" by asking the specific way in which they would like his team to communicate issues to them going forward. He noted the attorneys' preferences and repeated them back to double-check. Later, when a server issue came up, Gordon reminded the client of their previous agreement and to his surprise, the attorneys behaved civilly.

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Talking to Crazy" presents several surprising insights and techniques for dealing with irrational and impossible people. One such technique is the "Time Travel" method, where you ask the person how they would like you to communicate with them in the future. This method was effectively used by Gordon and his team to manage their communication with litigation attorneys, leading to a more civil interaction. Another key insight is that reasoning with irrational people often backfires, suggesting that alternative communication strategies are necessary when dealing with such individuals.

The book 'Talking to Crazy' has significantly influenced conflict resolution strategies in corporate environments by providing effective techniques to deal with irrational and difficult people. One of the strategies is the 'Time Travel' technique, which involves asking individuals about their preferred way of communication or handling issues in the future. This strategy was effectively used in a corporate setting where IT support team was often verbally abused by litigation attorneys. By using this technique, the IT team was able to establish a civil communication with the attorneys, thus resolving the conflict.

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A more potent version of the technique is to unilaterally formulate specific consequences for behavior that occurs and calmly communicate this to the other person. The key to success is being non-negotiable on the action items.

3. The Eye of the Hurricane

When a sane person has an irrational episode, let them vent and observe peacefully. Focus on their left eye to connect with their right brain. Once the venting is over, gently guide them back to normal by asking what is one thing that you could do for them to help. While you might not want to deal with high emotions in the workplace, the technique allows people to let out their pent up negativity instead of leading to drastic outcomes like quitting or acting out physically. It sets the stage for more positive outcomes.

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Questions and answers
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1. Let the irrational person vent: When a colleague is acting irrationally, allow them to express their feelings without interruption. This can help diffuse the situation.

2. Connect on a deeper level: Try to establish a deeper connection by focusing on their left eye, which is connected to the emotional right brain.

3. Guide them back to normal: Once they have vented, gently guide them back to a more rational state by asking how you can assist them.

4. Encourage positive outcomes: This approach can help prevent negative outcomes like quitting or acting out, and instead promote a more positive, productive environment.

A startup can use techniques from "Talking to Crazy" to foster a healthier work environment by implementing strategies to deal with irrational behavior. When an employee exhibits irrational behavior, allow them to vent while maintaining a peaceful demeanor. Focusing on their left eye can help establish a connection with their emotional right brain. Once they've finished venting, guide them back to a calmer state by asking how you can assist them. This approach allows employees to release pent-up negativity, potentially preventing more severe outcomes like resignation or physical outbursts. It can pave the way for a more positive, healthier work environment.

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4. Handle Splitters

"Splitters" are those who play one person against the other because they can't take rejection. When you hear a complaint, pause and ask the person why the other person refused them. If they are a "splitter," they may get agitated and accuse you. Calmly call the first person and put the call on speaker. At this point, the "splitter" will most likely give up. Be empathetic and share their concerns about feeling rejected and help the "splitter" become more resilient in the face of rejection.

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The key takeaways from "Talking to Crazy" that managers can implement to handle conflict in the workplace include understanding the different types of irrational behaviors and learning how to effectively deal with them. For instance, the book talks about "Splitters" who play one person against the other due to their inability to handle rejection. Managers can handle such individuals by calmly addressing the issue, involving all parties, and helping the "splitter" become more resilient in the face of rejection. It's also important to maintain empathy and patience when dealing with such individuals.

Talking to Crazy" presents several innovative ideas for dealing with difficult people. One such idea is dealing with "Splitters", who are individuals that play one person against another due to their inability to handle rejection. The book suggests that when you hear a complaint from a "splitter", you should pause and ask them why the other person refused them. If they get agitated and accuse you, calmly call the first person and put the call on speaker. This usually causes the "splitter" to give up. The book emphasizes the importance of empathy in these situations, and suggests helping the "splitter" become more resilient in the face of rejection.

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5. Three "L's" to Soothe Extreme Fear

When a person suffers from extreme fear, trying to reassure them otherwise might backfire. Try the "Three L's" technique.

  • Lean In – Recognize that to the person, their fear seems reasonable.
  • Look at Reality – The person might not consider solutions, but they may be willing to examine multiple future scenarios. Examine if the scenario the person anticipates is the likely outcome or if there is a good chance that things will work out okay. Remind them of similar situations that worked out well. This will help them recover and think rationally.
  • Lead the person to a solution – Help them too think ahead. If they are stuck in a thought, it might be a good idea to get them to act or emote. If they are stuck with an action, it might be good to make them feel by talking about their family, for example, or think by asking their opinion on a workplace issue.
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Questions and answers
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1. Recognize the irrational fear: Understand that to the person acting irrationally, their fear or concern seems reasonable. This understanding can help in dealing with them effectively.

2. Reality Check: Encourage them to examine multiple future scenarios. This can help them realize if their anticipated outcome is likely or if there's a good chance that things will work out okay. Remind them of similar situations that worked out well to help them recover and think rationally.

3. Lead them to a solution: If they are stuck in a thought, encourage them to act or express their emotions. If they are stuck with an action, engage them in a conversation about something they care about or ask their opinion on a workplace issue to make them think.

A company in a traditional sector like manufacturing can apply the innovative approaches discussed in "Talking to Crazy" by recognizing the irrational fears and behaviors that may exist within the organization. They can use the "Lean In" approach to understand that these fears may seem reasonable to the person experiencing them. By examining reality, they can help individuals consider multiple future scenarios and assess the likelihood of each. This can help individuals think rationally and recover from their fears. Lastly, leading the person to a solution can involve getting them to act or emote if they are stuck in a thought, or make them feel or think by discussing relevant topics. This can help in dealing with irrational and impossible people in the organization, leading to a more harmonious and productive work environment.

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6. The Butter Up

Know-it-alls try to put you down by demeaning or belittling you but are confident you can't do that to them because of their smartness. Identify areas where they are truly smart and compliment them on those skills. This disarms them because they feel you are on their side. Use this to deliver the message. To a sarcastic older know-it-all, you could say something like, "Our younger engineers can learn so much from you. Unfortunately, when you are sarcastic, they tune out and don't benefit from your knowledge. If you approach them as a mentor, they will learn from you".

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In "Talking to Crazy", Dr. Mark Goulston suggests innovative approaches to deal with workplace conflict, particularly with irrational and difficult people. One such approach is to identify the areas where difficult individuals excel and compliment them on those skills. This can disarm them as they feel you are on their side. For instance, if dealing with a sarcastic older colleague, you could acknowledge their knowledge and suggest that they could be a great mentor for younger engineers, but their sarcasm may prevent effective communication and learning.

The advice in "Talking to Crazy" can be used to promote a more positive work environment by teaching employees how to effectively communicate with difficult individuals. This includes understanding their perspective, validating their feelings, and using tactful communication to address issues. For instance, dealing with a know-it-all can be managed by acknowledging their expertise in certain areas, which can make them feel valued and more open to constructive feedback. This approach can help create a more harmonious and productive work environment.

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7. Executive Order

Some people have a martyr obsession that makes them refuse to ask for help. This can prevent organizations from meeting targets because "martyrs" never reach out until it's too late. The best way to handle them is to gently order them to ask for help. This transforms the dynamic from asking for help to just following orders.

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A startup can use the techniques provided in the book to handle difficult colleagues by understanding their irrational behaviors and finding ways to effectively communicate with them. This can involve recognizing the signs of irrational behavior, such as refusal to ask for help, and addressing it in a way that doesn't escalate the situation. For instance, instead of directly confronting a colleague who refuses to ask for help, gently order them to do so. This changes the dynamic from asking for help to following orders, which can be more palatable for some individuals. By effectively managing these types of situations, a startup can maintain a positive work environment, which is crucial for growth.

The concept of "martyr obsession" as explained in the book "Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life" refers to a behavioral pattern where individuals refuse to ask for help, even when they need it. This can be detrimental in a professional setting as it can prevent organizations from meeting their targets. These individuals, referred to as "martyrs", often do not reach out for assistance until it's too late. The recommended approach to handle them is to gently order them to ask for help, thereby transforming the dynamic from asking for help to just following orders.

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Encourage a Colleague to Reach Out

Dana would take on every project her boss Joel requested and never agreed to his offer to add more people to the team. When things began to slip, she glossed over the delays until Joel eventually realized she would miss two project deadlines. Joel was furious. But he gently spoke to Dana, saying that he noticed her difficulty in asking for help. He reminded her that she was hurting her productivity and the team by refusing to ask for help. Joel closed the conversation by gently ordering her to ask for help. He systematically went through with each project and made Dana list the help she needed for the projects. Every month, he would check-in by asking her what requests she had made during that period.

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One of the most innovative ideas presented in the book is the concept of 'leaning into crazy'. This means instead of arguing or trying to reason with irrational people, one should empathize with their feelings and validate their emotions. This approach can help to de-escalate the situation and make the person feel heard and understood. Another surprising idea is the 'FUDN' technique, which stands for Frustration, Upset, Disappointment, and Need. This technique helps in expressing feelings in a non-confrontational way and encourages the other person to respond positively. The book also emphasizes the importance of asking for help when needed, as illustrated in the story of Dana and Joel.

Potential obstacles companies might face when applying conflict resolution concepts could include resistance to change, lack of understanding or training, and fear of confrontation. To overcome these, companies could invest in training and education to ensure all employees understand the importance and benefits of conflict resolution. They could also promote a culture of open communication where employees feel safe to express their concerns and disagreements. Additionally, having a clear conflict resolution process in place can help manage and resolve conflicts effectively.

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8. The Kiss Off for Manipulators

Manipulators want to turn their problems into yours, leaving you emotionally and sometimes even financially drained. No matter how many times you help, they come back with a new problem. To handle manipulators, let them complain. Then tell them that it could either get better, become worse or stay the same. Upset that their manipulation didn't work, the other person will vent again. Gently but firmly respond that you may not be of any assistance, wish them well and close the conversation. Don't contact them till they reach out.

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'Talking to Crazy' contributes to contemporary debates about conflict resolution in the workplace by providing strategies to deal with irrational and difficult people. It offers insights into understanding and managing manipulative behaviors, which are common sources of conflict in the workplace. The book suggests that reasoning with irrational people often backfires, hence it proposes alternative methods such as letting them vent their issues, responding gently but firmly, and setting boundaries. This approach can help in maintaining a healthy and productive work environment.

Talking to Crazy" presents several innovative ideas. One of them is the approach to dealing with manipulative individuals. Instead of getting emotionally or financially drained by their problems, the book suggests letting them vent, then calmly stating that the situation could either improve, worsen, or remain the same. If they continue to vent, firmly but gently express that you may not be able to assist, wish them well, and end the conversation. This method prevents the manipulator from shifting their problems onto you.

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When reaching out fails

Sometimes you might not succeed in reaching out to an irrational person, and feeling helpless may lead to a meltdown. Follow this five-step process to regain calm and prevent yourself from doing something regretful.

  1. The Reaction Phase - Do not deny that you are upset. Take a deep breath and use words to describe your feelings.
  2. The Release Phase - Breathe deeply and slowly through your nose with eyes closed. Slowly let the emotion go.
  3. The Recentering Phase - Repeat the first two steps while paying attention to your breath until you begin to gain balance.
  4. The Refocusing Phase - Think of what you can do to control damage and decide how to make the best of the situation.
  5. The Re-engaging Phase - Open your eyes and follow through on the decision.
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The book "Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life" does not provide specific examples of companies that have successfully implemented the five phases. However, the principles outlined in the book are widely applicable and many companies have likely used similar strategies to manage irrational behavior and improve communication in the workplace.

I'm sorry, but specific case studies are not provided in the book "Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life". However, the five phases described in the book are designed to help individuals deal with irrational and difficult people. These phases are: Reaction, Release, Recentering, Refocusing, and Re-engaging. Each phase is a step in the process of understanding and managing one's own emotional responses, which can then be used to effectively communicate and negotiate with difficult individuals. It's important to note that the success of these phases can vary depending on the individual and the situation.

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This is hard to do during a meltdown because it's not instinctive to switch between the reptile brain and the logical brain. With repeated practice, you will gain control over your emotions quickly. If this drill isn't sufficient to restore calm, deploy the "Seventy-Two Hour Rule." Tell yourself that you will not do anything to make the situation worse for three days. The "Seventy-Two Hour Rule" can spare you guilt, embarrassment and shame.

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The ideas in "Talking to Crazy" have significant potential to be implemented in real-world scenarios of professional life. The book provides strategies for dealing with irrational and difficult people, which are common in any workplace. Techniques such as controlling emotions, practicing patience, and applying the "Seventy-Two Hour Rule" can be particularly useful in managing professional relationships and conflicts. However, the effectiveness of these strategies may vary depending on the specific situation and individuals involved.

The themes of "Talking to Crazy" are highly relevant to contemporary issues of workplace conflicts and debates. The book provides insights into dealing with irrational and difficult people, which is a common challenge in the workplace. It offers strategies such as the "Seventy-Two Hour Rule", which advises not to make a situation worse for three days, allowing time for emotions to settle and rational thought to prevail. These strategies can be applied to manage conflicts and debates effectively in the modern workplace.

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Ultimately, the key to engaging with irrational people is to empathize and avoid a power struggle. Irrespective of the technique used, maintain poise and keep your logical brain in control. Identify the other person's Modus Operandi and use proven methods to transform yourself from a threat to an ally. The goal isn't to win a confrontation but to bring the person to a place where both of you can have a productive conversation and move things forward.

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The key takeaways from "Talking to Crazy" that are actionable for managers dealing with irrational colleagues include:

1. Empathize with the irrational person: Understanding their perspective can help in dealing with them effectively.

2. Avoid power struggles: Engaging in a power struggle with an irrational person can escalate the situation. Instead, maintain your poise and keep your logical brain in control.

3. Identify their Modus Operandi: Understanding their patterns of behavior can help in predicting their actions and planning your responses accordingly.

4. Transform yourself from a threat to an ally: This can help in reducing their defensive behavior and making them more open to productive conversations.

5. The goal isn't to win a confrontation but to bring the person to a place where both of you can have a productive conversation and move things forward.

The ideas in "Talking to Crazy" have significant potential for implementation in real-world scenarios of conflict resolution. The book provides techniques for engaging with irrational people, such as empathizing and avoiding power struggles. These strategies can be applied in various situations, from personal relationships to professional interactions. The goal is not to win a confrontation, but to transform oneself from a threat to an ally, enabling productive conversations and forward movement. This approach can be particularly useful in conflict resolution, where understanding and collaboration are key.

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