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Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well Book Summary preview
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Synopsis

Many of us dread "feedback season." While some exit their reviews happily and even closer to their managers or mentors, others aren't always so lucky and leave their dejected and defeated. Regardless of the feedback you receive, however, there are research-backed steps you can take to come out on top, make the conversation productive and positive, and recover from any negative feedback.

Questions and answers

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The term "company profiles in a feedback season" seems to be a bit unclear. If you're asking about how different companies approach the feedback season, it varies widely. Some companies have a formal, structured process, often tied to performance reviews and compensation adjustments. Others have a more informal, ongoing feedback process. The key is to create a culture where feedback is seen as a tool for growth and improvement, not as a punitive measure. It's also important to train managers to give constructive feedback and employees to receive it well. If you're asking about something else, please provide more context.

Some strategies to recover from negative feedback and catalyze positive changes include:

1. Acceptance: Acknowledge the feedback without getting defensive. This is the first step towards improvement.

2. Reflection: Reflect on the feedback received. Try to understand the perspective of the person who gave the feedback.

3. Action Plan: Develop an action plan to address the areas of improvement identified in the feedback.

4. Seek Support: Don't hesitate to seek support from mentors or colleagues. They can provide valuable insights and advice.

5. Continuous Learning: Embrace a growth mindset. View feedback as an opportunity to learn and grow, not as a personal attack.

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On the other hand, those who conduct the reviews also learn how to make feedback delivery fruitful and mutually beneficial. Use the tips from Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well to catalyze the types of changes to look for in employees this year with concepts such as feedback triggers and how to avoid them, why to look beyond feedback labels, and how body language and facial expressions can give people away.

Questions and answers

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The resource "Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well" has significantly influenced corporate strategies and business models by emphasizing the importance of effective feedback mechanisms. It has led to the realization that feedback, when delivered and received well, can catalyze change and improve performance in the workplace. This has prompted many organizations to reevaluate their feedback systems and invest in training their employees on how to give and receive feedback effectively. The concepts such as feedback triggers and the importance of non-verbal cues in feedback delivery have also been incorporated into many corporate strategies for performance management.

The theories presented in "Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well" challenge existing paradigms in the field of employee reviews by shifting the focus from the giver of the feedback to the receiver. Traditional practices often emphasize the role of the reviewer in delivering effective feedback. However, this book suggests that the key to effective feedback lies in how it is received and processed by the employee. It introduces concepts such as feedback triggers and the importance of non-verbal cues, providing a fresh perspective on how to make feedback sessions more productive and beneficial for both parties.

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Top 20 insights

  1. There are three main types of feedback: 1) appreciation (i.e. "thanks"), 2) coaching (i.e. "this is a better way"), and 3) evaluation (i.e. "you scored poorly"). Employees and company culture thrive the most when managers are capable to give feedback in all three areas.
  2. During feedback delivery, evaluation-type feedback should come first. Coaching-type feedback should then wait at least a few days. Evaluations are so psychologically striking that any coaching delivered immediately after will be lost.
  3. For appreciation-type feedback to resonate, three prerequisites must be present. The feedback must be 1) specific, 2) authentic, and 3) in a form valued by the recipient. Possible forms include gestures such as public recognition, monetary compensation, heartfelt private conversations, or promotions and titles.
  4. Feedback often comes via generic labels, such as "be more assertive" or "be more proactive." Cut through vagueness and prove for specificity in two areas: 1) What was the actual observation of your behavior and the interpretation of it, and 2) What advice do they have as a result?
  5. To better receive feedback that you disagree with outright, try to understand what's right about the reviewer's vantage point or approach. You can salvage the relationship and glean some good from the feedback if you acknowledge the details you do agree with.
  6. A major blind spot for both the feedback deliverer and the recipient is facial expression and tone. Others can see how you really feel more accurately than you think due to evolutionary skills that promoted human cooperation and competition. Research has also shown that we can't accurately judge the tone of our own voice while we are speaking.
  7. To identify your blind spots, simply monitor yourself for outsized reactions to the feedback you receive. When you say, "What could they be thinking" or "What's their problem", your blind spot red flag should also be waving.
  8. Go to your harshest critic to maximize your growth potential via feedback. Those with whom you always seem to have tension will be able to cut through to the spots where you need work. While challenging, this practice can be the most rewarding.
  9. Your reaction to feedback is a combination of three variables unique to each individual: 1) Your baseline level of happiness, 2) The depth of the swing your mood takes with the reception of feedback, and 3) Sustain and recovery, or how long it takes you to return to baseline.
  10. Be mindful of how these three feedback variables are at play in your own feedback experiences. For example, those who recover more quickly from negative feedback may bounce back more confidently. However, they may not take valuable feedback as much to heart and ignore opportunities to correct significant issues.
  11. When you deliver feedback, be sensitive to the recipient and understand that "baseline happiness," "swing," and "sustain and recovery" can vary as much as 3,000% from person to person. Your reaction to perceived minor feedback will not be how another person would process the same piece of information emotionally.
  12. Research indicates that baseline happiness has a 50-40-10 split. 50% seems to be wired in, 40% is how we interpret and respond to what happens to us, and only 10% is based on circumstances. This breakdown allows a significant margin where intentional positive interpretations can make a difference.
  13. Don't attempt to hide one piece of negative feedback in a mountain of positive comments – you won't be successful. Psychologists explain how humans developed stronger emotional and physical responses to threats and danger versus positive experiences as a means of survival and will therefore always notice the negative.
  14. Prepare to receive potentially challenging feedback with a refusal to accept simple identity labels. Since feedback often threatens our sense of self, this mindset will put you on solid ground.
  15. Another mindset shift to embrace is a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset. This allows you to see new possibilities alongside negative feedback rather than a poor picture of your skills or qualities.
  16. To motivate employees and encourage healthy risk-taking, praise effort rather than talent. Say, "I appreciate your dedication" instead of "You're really smart." Studies demonstrate that this approach motivates people for new challenges.
  17. If your manager points you towards a better way, don't assume he or she thinks poorly of you. Keep in mind that coaching-type and evaluation-type feedback are not the same.
  18. Research shows that humans are wired for empathy only if we deem the other person good or fair. This means that to internalize what the other person is saying, there must be mutual respect. At the very least, limit any offenses around the time of feedback.
  19. Can't stand the person who is going to give you feedback that you're sure you'll disagree with? If this is unavoidable and you expect conflict to occur, make it known that your primary goal is "understanding." Remind yourself that there is no obligation to agree with or change as a result of their claims.
  20. A powerful tactic for when you disagree with a piece of feedback and want to assert your viewpoint is not to prove the other person wrong. Instead, state what's been left out. When you express that they might not have all the information for a fairly constructed feedback.

Summary

Before you start on the next review cycle, understand the latest research on the delivery and reception of feedback. From this book summary, learn about the three contexts that block feedback and the three different kinds of feedback: appreciation, coaching, and evaluation. Find out how to move beyond your blind spots and really see what people have been trying to tell you for years. Discover ways to increase resiliency and positivity while receiving feedback. Finally, learn how to stand up for yourself throughout this feedback process without being defensive or threatening.

Questions and answers

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The feedback theory presented in this book challenges existing paradigms or practices in the field of business communication by introducing a new approach to giving and receiving feedback. Traditional feedback models often focus on the giver, but this book emphasizes the importance of the receiver's perspective. It presents three different kinds of feedback: appreciation, coaching, and evaluation, and discusses the barriers that can block feedback. It also provides strategies for overcoming personal blind spots and increasing resilience when receiving feedback. This shifts the focus from simply delivering feedback to ensuring it is received and acted upon effectively, which can lead to more productive communication in a business setting.

A traditional sector company can apply the feedback approaches discussed in this book by first understanding the three types of feedback: appreciation, coaching, and evaluation. They can then implement a system where these types of feedback are given regularly and appropriately. For example, appreciation can be shown when an employee does something well, coaching can be used to guide employees towards better performance, and evaluation can be used to assess an employee's overall performance. The company can also work on increasing resiliency and positivity in their employees when receiving feedback, and encourage them to be open and non-defensive. This can be achieved through workshops or training sessions. Finally, the company can ensure that feedback is delivered in a way that is constructive and helpful, rather than threatening or demoralizing.

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Three feedback "triggers"

We all know the heart-pounding, anxiety-inducing, tunnel-vision feelings that go along with negative feedback. Such reactions often mean we have been triggered, in other words, feel threatened by the feedback. There are three main types of triggers that can lead to someone reacting this way. If you trigger someone while sharing feedback, they will likely reject your feedback and block it out. Understanding these triggers can help you avoid upsetting others when giving feedback and be more aware of your reactions when receiving feedback. The three triggers are:

Questions and answers

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1. Understand the triggers: The book identifies three main types of triggers that can lead to negative reactions to feedback. Understanding these triggers can help managers avoid upsetting others when giving feedback and be more aware of their reactions when receiving feedback.

2. Create a safe environment: Managers should strive to create an environment where feedback is welcomed and not feared. This can be achieved by fostering a culture of open communication and mutual respect.

3. Be clear and specific: When giving feedback, managers should be clear and specific. Vague feedback can lead to confusion and misunderstanding.

4. Be receptive to feedback: Managers should also be open to receiving feedback from their team. This can help them improve their management style and build stronger relationships with their team.

The themes of 'Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well' are highly relevant to contemporary issues in corporate communication and feedback. In today's corporate world, feedback is a crucial tool for personal and professional growth. However, giving and receiving feedback can often be challenging due to various triggers and emotional responses. The book provides insights into understanding these triggers and managing reactions, which is essential in the modern corporate environment where effective communication and feedback are key to success.

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  1. Truth Triggers – Feedback you think is untrue
  2. Relationship Triggers – Feedback that comes from someone with whom you have a complex relationship
  3. Identity Triggers – Feedback that threatens your core identity

Truth triggers

"Managing truth triggers is…about recognizing that it's always more complicated than it appears and working hard to first understand."

Feedback has undoubtedly hit a "truth trigger" when the response is outright denial and offense. But there's a strong chance the recipient just hasn't truly understood what the deliverer is trying to say. Be alert to feelings of denial and be aware that it means you need to ask deeper-level questions to be sure you're getting under the surface of the feedback. You can't say it's wrong unless you understand what's being said.

Questions and answers

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The book "Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well" has significantly influenced corporate strategies for delivering and receiving feedback. It has emphasized the importance of understanding the feedback given, rather than outright denial or offense. This has led to a shift in corporate strategies where feedback is seen as a tool for growth and improvement rather than a form of criticism. Companies are now investing in training their employees to give and receive feedback effectively, focusing on clarity, understanding, and empathy. The book has also highlighted the need for deeper-level questions to ensure the feedback is understood correctly, which is now a common practice in many corporate feedback strategies.

To ask deeper-level questions and truly understand the feedback being given, you can start by asking for specific examples to illustrate the points being made. This can help clarify any vague or general statements. You can also ask for suggestions on how to improve or rectify the issues raised in the feedback. Additionally, you can ask how the issue impacts the person giving the feedback or the team as a whole. Lastly, you can ask what success would look like in their eyes, giving you a clear goal to aim for.

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Relationship triggers

"Feedback in relationships is rarely the story of you or me. It's more often the story of you and me."

Feedback is blocked by a relationship trigger when we reject the information on account of the deliverer. You may have been receptive to the feedback from someone else, but it is a non-starter coming from this person. Maybe you don't think very highly of them, they're likely to have ulterior motives, or your personalities just don't jive. Whatever the reason, be sure not to let your relationship with them get in the way of benefiting from the core of the feedback they're sharing. Side-barring to the issues in your relationship can be a big distraction from insights they have about your performance, as much as you may hate to admit it.

Questions and answers

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Relationship triggers" refer to situations where feedback is rejected due to the relationship with the person delivering it. This could be because of a low opinion of the person, suspicion of their motives, or a clash of personalities. Regardless of the reason, it's important not to let the relationship interfere with the value of the feedback. Even if there are issues in the relationship, the feedback could still provide valuable insights into your performance.

The ideas from the book 'Thanks for the Feedback' can be implemented in real-world scenarios in several ways. Firstly, it's important to understand that feedback is not just about the information given, but also about the relationship between the giver and receiver. If you find yourself rejecting feedback due to the person delivering it, try to separate the message from the messenger and focus on the core of the feedback. Secondly, don't let personal issues distract you from the insights that can be gained from feedback. Even if you don't like the person giving the feedback, they may still have valuable insights about your performance. Lastly, approach feedback with an open mind and a willingness to learn and improve.

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Identity triggers

When feedback strikes at the core of how we envision ourselves, we will instinctively block it out to ward off the threat. The feedback has hit too close to home, and our defenses go up. Being open to this kind of feedback invites a certain vulnerability, but the growth opportunities abound if you're willing to go there. Prepare yourself for this kind of feedback by taking the initiative to reflect on your own personal "wiring" and level of resiliency. Put the feedback in its place as just that – feedback – not a judgment on your entire person. Adopt a growth mentality and be open to shifting your viewpoint on what you could be capable of.

Questions and answers

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Adopting a growth mentality and being open to feedback can challenge existing practices in personal development and corporate culture by shifting the focus from fixed traits to potential for growth. It encourages individuals and organizations to view challenges as opportunities for learning rather than as threats. This can lead to a more resilient and adaptable workforce, capable of responding effectively to change. However, it also requires a shift in mindset that can be uncomfortable and challenging, as it involves being open to criticism and willing to change. It may also challenge traditional hierarchical structures in organizations, as it encourages feedback and learning at all levels.

The book "Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well" has significantly influenced corporate strategies in handling feedback. It has encouraged organizations to foster a culture of open communication and feedback. The book emphasizes the importance of being receptive to feedback, regardless of how it strikes our self-perception. This has led corporations to train their employees to adopt a growth mindset and view feedback not as a personal judgment, but as an opportunity for improvement and growth. Furthermore, it has guided corporations in structuring their feedback mechanisms to be more constructive, fostering a positive environment for personal and professional development.

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Three kinds of feedback

Appreciative feedback

The greatest insights about performance and skills at work will fall on deaf ears if there isn't a basis of relationship between the two people. But you can create one by using appreciative feedback. The other two types of feedback – coaching and evaluation – are where the real "meat" of performance improvement occurs, but all three types are essential. You may think you're doing a good job at showing thanks to employees, but consider asking yourself a few questions to ensure the appreciative feedback is resonating.

Questions and answers

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Appreciative feedback can create a basis of relationship at work by fostering a positive environment and building trust. It acknowledges the efforts and achievements of employees, making them feel valued and respected. This type of feedback also encourages open communication and mutual respect, which are key to building strong relationships. It's important to ensure that the appreciative feedback is genuine and resonates with the employees, as it forms the foundation for other types of feedback such as coaching and evaluation.

The three types of feedback mentioned in the book 'Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well' are appreciative feedback, coaching, and evaluation.

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First, be sure it's authentic. Saying "thanks everyone!" before going home early is not likely to have a positive effect, especially if everyone is hearing it at the same time. Take the time to think about a specific task someone did that took something off your plate or was proactive and helpful. Once you have that in mind, communicate your gratitude to them in a way that they are most likely to feel good about. For example, for the ladder-climber, mention their excellent work in front of another senior colleague. For an introverted staff member who prefers one-on-one conversations, stop by his office and share your praise. Authenticity, specificity, and format are all key to making the most out of the ways you express gratitude.

Questions and answers

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The book 'Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well' provides several key examples on how to effectively give and receive feedback. One of the main examples discussed is the importance of authenticity in feedback. The book suggests that feedback should be specific, genuine, and tailored to the individual. For instance, praising an employee's specific task that was helpful or eased your workload. The broader implication of this example is that authentic and specific feedback can lead to improved performance and job satisfaction. Another example is the consideration of the individual's personality in feedback delivery. The book suggests that feedback should be delivered in a manner that the receiver is comfortable with. This implies that understanding the individual's personality and preferences can lead to more effective communication and better relationships in the workplace.

The lessons from "Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well" can be applied in today's business environment in several ways. Firstly, it emphasizes the importance of authenticity in feedback. This means that feedback should be genuine and specific to the individual's actions or behavior. Secondly, it highlights the need for considering the recipient's preferences when giving feedback. For instance, some people may prefer public recognition, while others may appreciate a private conversation. Lastly, it suggests that feedback should be constructive and aimed at helping the individual improve. This approach can foster a positive work environment and encourage continuous learning and development.

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Coaching feedback

Coaching is aimed at trying to help someone learn, grow, or change. The focus is on helping the person improve.

Coaching will always include some level of evaluation. After all, when we're told to do things a different way, that feedback implies our current performance is at least somewhat inadequate. But if you find yourself receiving coaching feedback, consider yourself lucky, because this is the type of input that builds mentorship and helps you improve. Often, coaching feedback comes along with being assigned greater responsibility or additional tasks. This is a sign that others trust you to take on more, and their feedback is usually a good-natured attempt to help you meet those challenges. As discussed earlier, many people fail to deliver coaching feedback sensitively, and the feedback recipient could be triggered to block it out. However, keep in mind that most people are in it to help you improve to meet the expectations and demands head.

Questions and answers

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The principles of receiving feedback well, as outlined in the book, can be applied in today's business environment in several ways. Firstly, it's important to understand that feedback is a tool for improvement, not a personal attack. This mindset can help individuals to accept feedback more openly and use it constructively. Secondly, feedback should be seen as an opportunity for growth. When receiving feedback, individuals should focus on the message, not the messenger, and consider the feedback as a chance to learn and develop. Lastly, it's crucial to respond to feedback appropriately. This includes thanking the person for their feedback, reflecting on the points raised, and taking action where necessary.

Coaching feedback, as discussed in the book, is a type of input that is aimed at helping you improve. It often comes with greater responsibility or additional tasks, indicating that others trust you to take on more. The feedback is usually a good-natured attempt to help you meet those challenges. However, it's important to note that many people fail to deliver coaching feedback sensitively, which could lead the recipient to block it out. Despite this, it's crucial to remember that most people give feedback with the intention of helping you improve to meet expectations and demands.

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Evaluative feedback

Evaluation tells you where you stand. It's a direct assessment, ranking, or rating.

Many people balk at evaluation out of fear of falling short, but everyone admits that it's something they think about. For this reason, evaluative feedback must come before coaching. If you provide coaching without evaluation, you can be sure the recipient's inner monologue is filling in the gaps. When evaluations are solid, they help calm fears and assure employees that they are in good standing. Don't fall into the trap of sharing coaching and evaluation in the same breath, however. Reactions to evaluations are so powerful that the receiver is momentarily distracted so much such that he or she is unable to fully process the coaching feedback that would follow.

Questions and answers

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The book "Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well" challenges existing paradigms or practices in feedback delivery by emphasizing the importance of the receiver's role in the feedback process. Traditionally, the focus has been on how to give feedback effectively. However, this book shifts the focus to the receiver, arguing that the success of feedback largely depends on the receiver's ability to process and apply it. It also suggests that evaluative feedback should come before coaching, which is a departure from common practice. This approach helps to calm fears and assure employees of their standing, enabling them to better process and benefit from subsequent coaching feedback.

1. Separate evaluation from coaching: The book emphasizes the importance of separating evaluation from coaching. Evaluation helps to assure employees of their standing, while coaching is meant for improvement. Mixing the two can lead to confusion and distraction.

2. Address fears: Many employees fear evaluations. Managers should address these fears and assure employees that evaluations are meant to help them understand their standing and not to criticize them.

3. Avoid simultaneous feedback: The book advises against giving coaching and evaluation feedback simultaneously as it can overwhelm the employee and they may not fully process the feedback.

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The best practice is to consistently express appreciation, regularly provide evaluations for employees, and then, after at least one day, give coaching feedback for areas to improve.

Tactics to better receive feedback

We've covered the feedback basics. There are three types of feedback and three types of triggers that can cause you to block out what might otherwise be helpful information. You can use that knowledge to both be a better feedback deliverer as well as improving your preparation and awareness when receiving feedback. Here are some additional tactics you can employ to harness this information during your review cycle.

Questions and answers

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The book 'Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well' challenges existing paradigms in the field of feedback delivery and reception by introducing a new perspective - that of the receiver. Traditionally, the focus has been on how to deliver feedback effectively. However, this book shifts the focus to the receiver and how they can better understand and use the feedback they receive. It introduces the concept of 'triggers' that can block us from receiving feedback effectively and provides strategies to manage these. It also categorizes feedback into three types, each with its own challenges and strategies for effective reception. This shift in focus and the introduction of new concepts challenge the existing practices and provide a more comprehensive approach to the feedback process.

Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well" has significantly influenced corporate strategies for delivering and receiving feedback. The book provides insights into the types of feedback and triggers that can cause individuals to block out potentially useful information. This knowledge has been used by corporations to improve their feedback delivery methods and to enhance their employees' preparation and awareness when receiving feedback. The book also offers additional tactics that can be employed during the review cycle, which many corporations have adopted to ensure effective communication and continuous improvement.

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Don't switch tracks

"Switching tracks," or jumping between two issues, occurs when someone is experiencing a "relationship trigger." Maybe Sally's boss has pointed out that she's been ten minutes late every morning this week. She's irked because yes, she's been late, but she's also seen her boss surfing Facebook at work in the afternoons, and he takes extended lunches almost daily. How is wasting company time during the day any different than first thing in the morning? Sally thinks he's a hypocrite and is angered he would even bring it up given the way he spends his time.

Questions and answers

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Potential obstacles companies might face when applying the concepts of feedback handling from the book could include resistance to change, lack of understanding of the feedback process, and fear of negative feedback. To overcome these obstacles, companies could provide training and education about the importance and benefits of feedback, create a safe and supportive environment for giving and receiving feedback, and encourage open and honest communication. It's also important to ensure that feedback is constructive and actionable, and that it's delivered in a respectful and considerate manner.

The book "Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well" has influenced corporate strategies and business models by emphasizing the importance of feedback in the workplace. It has encouraged organizations to create a culture of open communication where feedback is welcomed and valued. This has led to improved employee performance, increased job satisfaction, and a more inclusive work environment. The book has also highlighted the need for managers to be skilled in giving and receiving feedback, which has influenced training and development strategies in many businesses.

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Sally needs to mentally acknowledge that there are two issues at play, as is usually the case with relationship triggers, and make every effort not to "switch tracks." The first issue is Sally's tardiness. The second issue is the way she's witnessed her boss spending company time during the day. If Sally and her boss both fixate on what the other person is doing wrong and deny the other's claims about their behavior, they'll be talking past each other and not make any progress. Before the conversation spirals out of control, Sally should make a mental note of the dual issues at play and make every effort to focus on them individually rather than always "switching tracks."

Questions and answers

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The theme of feedback is highly relevant to contemporary issues and debates in the workplace. It plays a crucial role in performance management, employee engagement, and organizational growth. In the context of ongoing debates about remote work, diversity and inclusion, and mental health, feedback can help address these issues by providing clear communication, setting expectations, and fostering a culture of continuous learning and improvement. It's also a tool for employees to voice their concerns, ideas, and suggestions, promoting a two-way communication channel.

One of the most innovative ideas presented in the book is the concept of 'switching tracks'. This refers to the tendency of people to shift the focus of a conversation when they feel attacked or uncomfortable. The book suggests that recognizing and avoiding this behavior can lead to more productive discussions and better outcomes. Another surprising idea is the emphasis on the receiver's role in feedback. The book argues that the key to receiving feedback well is to understand and manage one's emotional triggers, and to separate the feedback from the person giving it.

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Thanks for the Feedback - Diagrams

Illuminate your blind spots

Let's take the same example. What if I told you that Sally had been ten minutes late at least three out of five days a week for the last couple of months? Everyone has "blind spots" that relate to the macro patterns in their life and the way they do things. Others can readily identify these for you, but chances are they haven't, unless you've asked them to be honest, and you have a strong relationship. Think about people you know; Consider the friend who's always starting a new workout regimen, your sister who claims she'll be satisfied after just one more remodeling project, or your colleague who insists he'll give up his workaholic tendencies this year.

Questions and answers

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The theories in "Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well" challenge existing paradigms in feedback delivery by shifting the focus from the giver to the receiver. Traditionally, the emphasis has been on how to give feedback effectively. However, this book argues that the key to effective feedback lies in how it's received and interpreted. It suggests that individuals have a responsibility to understand and manage their reactions to feedback, rather than placing the onus solely on the feedback giver to deliver it in a certain way. This approach challenges the conventional wisdom and offers a new perspective on improving feedback processes in personal and professional settings.

The lessons from "Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well" can be applied in today's business environment in several ways. Firstly, it encourages individuals to be open to feedback, regardless of whether it is positive or negative. This can foster a culture of continuous learning and improvement. Secondly, it highlights the importance of self-awareness in recognizing our own patterns and habits that may be hindering our progress. By being aware of these, we can take steps to change and improve. Lastly, it emphasizes the need to take responsibility for our actions rather than blaming external factors. This can lead to increased accountability and productivity in the workplace.

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People tend to return to their habits and patterns on a macro level, and most of us are blind to how we do the same. Sally is committed to her job and being a good employee, she just chronically underestimates the time it takes to get out the door. She never does a good job of budgeting her time in the morning but has never identified her own actions as the problem. One day it's traffic, and the next day it's a broken elevator. She always has an excuse, and she doesn't realize how often it happens.

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So how can Sally illuminate her blind spots, and how can you, too, for that matter? Sally may think she knows everything about what's going on, but consider that the list of what she actually knows and can tell is quite short.

Thanks for the Feedback - Diagrams

What her boss can perceive about the situation is substantial. Contrary to what most people think, others have a far better read on our behavior than we do of ourselves.

"Who can see your face? Everyone. Who can't see your face? You."

Humans have evolved to be excellent judges of one's emotions and intentions by reading faces. While you think you may be adequately disguising your feelings, it's already all over your face, and yet you have no idea.

By studying infant brain development, researchers have identified the part of the brain that activates when a human can accurately judge different voice tones and their implications. Ever wonder why your own voice sounds funny when you hear it recorded and played back? It's because researchers found that when you are talking, the "tone" part of the brain shuts off and you're unable to hear how you really come across. Your inability to hear how you sound or see what your face looks like when you communicate something means that others are much better judges of your behavior and expressions.

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While you can't change some of these factors, you can take some steps to make your blind spots, especially your macro patterns, more visible to you. The first thing you can do is keep on high alert for your "truth trigger." When your first reaction is to say, "That's not true!" or "Where on earth did they get that?", consider that they may have identified a blind spot. In these cases, let your guard down and try to be receptive. When having a feedback conversation, ask, "How do you see me getting in my own way?" This question invites their specific assessment of your behavior and is much more effective at drawing out blind spot observations than a general, "How am I doing?"

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Lastly, don't be afraid to go to the tough places for criticism. People with whom you've always had tension or disagreement probably have insight into your blind spots. Supporters may not be as honest or may have the same blind spots in common with you.

How to productively disagree

Listening and discussing feedback with someone doesn't mean that you must agree with them. In fact, many times the feedback is misguided or at the least missing crucial information. They haven't heard your side of the story. There's a way to communicate your viewpoint without being off-putting or saying "that's wrong" outright.

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Instead of outright denying the feedback, position your comment as additional information. Use phrases like "You may not know that…" or "As context…" You know that this information nullifies their feedback, but they don't have to hear it that way. This tactic preserves the relationship while also ensuring your side of the story is heard and being considered.

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